11/21/2005

Edjukashun Fixin to Git More Easy

Pressured by the "No Child Left Behind" legislation, state officials have come up with an ingenious plan to increase the graduation rate in Tennessee. Instead of improving the quality of public education, they are planning a "tiered system of high school diplomas" (the levels being dumb, dumber and ignert). This would relieve the state from the unreasonable burden of having to ensure that high school graduates have any basic skills needed to succeed in life.
The state could save even more money by outsourcing the tiered diploma program to one of the numerous online enterpreneurs that avail their services every day via our email inboxes. Brilliant!

Nice Coaching There

As I predicted before, this article in the Tennessean sums up the Vols season perfectly:
As senior offensive tackle Albert Toeaina left the field following Rick Clausen's interception to end the game, he angrily hurled his helmet and then cursed and spat on one of UT's JumbroTron cameramen, Scott Liston.

Toeaina's helmet was one of nearly 10 that Tennessee players threw down in disgust and left on the field for managers to take into the locker room.

One of the recurring themes in Tennessee's struggles this season has been its lack of discipline.

But Fulmer said he never felt this team completely getting away from him.

"I really didn't from the standpoint of them busting their rears to get themselves ready to play," Fulmer said. "Now, have they listened as well as I would have liked at times? Apparently not."

"As far as getting away from me or getting away from the staff, I don't see that happening."
Mr. Head, meet Mr. Ass.

11/18/2005

Going, Going, Gone

Following a $5 million loss in the 3rd quarter, IPIX annouced shuttering of their Oak Ridge office. According to the 3rd quarter results, IPIX invested in sales and marketing and incurred "substantial" lawyers' fees for patent litigation and "registration of securities", which seemed to have left no funds to maintain engineering in Oak Ridge.

11/14/2005

Local News Got Simplified

I just noticed that Halls Shopper News and Powell News got borged by E.W. Scripps, the mothership of the Knoxville News-Sentinel. Powell News has been a constant nuisance littering my driveway, but I've enjoyed reading columns of Sandra Clark and Betty Bean online. Hopefully Halls and Powell News won't turn into lame "community editions" of the News-Sentinel. With any luck, from hereon I'll get my Kroger's ad wrappers in one fell swoop instead of having to dumpsterize "free newspapers" several times a week.

11/11/2005

Veterans' Day


Hail Fallen, Hail Thee Einherjar

All who had fallen in the battle with pride
All those who struggled with bravery in battlefields
Those be the chosen for the hall of the slain
Hail fallen, hail thee Einherjar.

Those with a sword in hand who died
All whose souls were chosen by Valkyries
All believer hearts who fight every day
Hail fallen, Hail thee Einherjar.

© Hildr Valkyrie, 2004

11/10/2005

MIT Mythbusters

Tinfoil hats are now scientifically proven to be useless. At least we'll still have black helicopters.

11/07/2005

Separation Of Blue And Red State

Our beloved Internal Revenue service is hard at work upholding the separation of Church and State. However, the rules seem to be different for Red State and Blue State churches.
A liberal episcopal church in Pasadena, California, just received a threat from the IRS about losing its tax-exempt status due to an anti-war sermon before the 2004 presidential election. What ruffled the government's feathers was that although Rev. George Regas told the congregation that people of faith could vote for either Bush or Kerry, the sermon in question was a "searing indictment of the Bush administration's policies in Iraq".
Had the sermon been about the Army of God marching for Bush, the IRS may not have bothered to intervene. A month before the 2004 election, Pastor Jim Henry of First Baptist Church of Orlando ordered his flock to vote for Bush, and "if they don't go out and vote, they should be ashamed". Or maybe it was because the Pasadena church wasn't invited to participate in discussion by our exalted leader. Who knows.

11/04/2005

White House Of Horror